Seventeen blessings that make growing older worth the effort!!...and 2 more blessings since this picture was taken!

Wouldn't it be wonderful if your family were the envy of all your neighborhood? Not because your family had the biggest house, the fanciest car or the very best interior decorator.

The reason isn't that you are the parents of the most beautiful children, you have a "to die for spouse" and you command a 6 figure income.

The fact of the matter is, you don't own a fancy house, your car is a CarMax reject, and your interior decorator is the local Goodwill Store.

Is all of that important? No! What is important is that your family is "The Happiest Family on the Block"!

I will be sharing our secrets that worked with our 6 children, 6 sons and daughters-in-laws and 19 grandchildren! I will share secrets and ideas that we did do and wished we hadn't, things we didn't do, but wished we had, AND things we did do and are glad we got something right!! Hindsight is 20/20 you know!

The "happy family" revolves around:


Raising children





Hobbies- cooking, sewing, crafts, decorating

Making money


Being friends with your grown up children

Being the best grandparents you can be

Etc, etc, etc

Grab a cup of coffee, sit down, relax and let's visit!

My Darling Grandaughter

My Darling Grandaughter

Friday, April 23, 2010

Parent or Friend

Do you want to be a parent or a friend to your young children? Why, you say, can't I be both? Let's talk about this for a few minutes.
In the society, there is a lot of emphasis put on being friends with your children and little on being "THE PARENT". THE PARENT is the authoritarian, the boss, the disciplinarian, the "big cheese". Would you want a friend to be like that?
John Rosemond, in his book,"Making the "Terrible" Twos Terrific", says that a good parent is a "mean parent".
His definition of "mean" is a parent who is assertive, consistant, calm and insistant. They don't scream, yell, bully and are not abusive. They say what they mean and mean what they say.
Effective parenting is setting boundaries that children know they are not to cross. Effective parents will not allow misbehavior nor do they allow 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances. They never reason with a child and there is no counting to ten or any other form of conjoling. The parent will expect obedience the first time they tell their child what they want them to do.

Parents who are effective do not change from day to day. What they did yesterday or last week will be the same today and next week. Because of this, childen learn to trust their parents and find great security in them. Most children will not like what their parents tell them, but they will respect them for what they say.

One of the greatest problems in our public school systems is the breakdown of control and discipline. Teachers and principals are afraid of children and their parents, and for good reason. When I was in school, I knew that I had better not misbehave in class. If I did, and my parents found out, (and they would), I would not only get punished in school, but I would also get punished when I got home! That was great motivation to behave myself! Today, unfortunately, parents have the misconception that they have to stick up for their children, run interference and offer excuses. An effective parent will make their children shoulder the responsibility for their actions and the consequences that follow. If a child misbehaves, the parent allows them to take the punishment they deserve and therefore learn from their mistakes. The parent will also reinforce what the consequences will be if the misbehavior is repeated.
Can you be a "friend" through this process? No, you are the authority figure in your child's life right now. Friendship comes later. Teaching your children to trust, respect and obey you as an authority figure in their lives will create a foundation for a lasting friendship in their adult years.


ME said...

God's Blessings to you and your family.. thanks for the visit and comments.. I will follow too...

Kristine said...

Thanks for commenting on my blog and following. I'm a follower of yours now, and I find your wisdom very helpful!

glenda09 said...

This is such a great post!!! Thank you for coming by I will be following you as well.

Mama Ko said...

I like your blog, it has interesting information about parenting that would be helpful for me as new Mom and parent. Anyway, following from follow friday. followed your nice blog too.

thanks for the visit and following in my blog

VKT said...

What a fantastic post this is! I wish every parent could read it.

Crazy Daisy said...

I agree with most of this except the parents will not change from week to week! I make mistakes and I do change when I know I have been wrong and/or I feel like something isn't effective. I feel like I have to model humility and fess up when I make mistakes - not just insist on being the same week after week because I said so...thoughts?

Happy Gramma said...

You are right about that aspect. What I meant was that children should be able to count on a parent being consistant week in and week out. Their methods of discipline might change but there will be discipline! Thanks for your thoughts!

MamaTink said...

Following back! Can't wait for mire installments..

rose said...

being a friend vs being a parent seems to be a much common direction that we adults take. my mother was from europe, she taught me to be responsible,caring and to recognize the true role of a parent who doesn't act as a friend but as a loving teacher with expectations,rewards, and at times punishment.

Milena said...

Following you back- can't wait to read more!

Mama of 3 said...

Following back from Friday Follow. Inspiring ideas about parenting here. Thanks!

Charlene said...

LOVE this post!

I found you through a comment that you left on my large family interview @ The Homemaking Cottage and I'm following you now :)

Kim @ seven thirty three said...

Your granddaughter is beautiful! Just stopping by to say yes, you are more than welcome to add a link to my blog from yours! ;)


Anita said...

Great advice! I'm familiar with John Rosemond, too. My husband and I actually went to hear him speak about five years ago.
Your observations seem right on target. So many parents want to be their child's friend instead of parenting the child who is still immature and in need of someone to teach him or her.

I have lots of fun with my kids, but "friends" are people on my level, with the maturity and wisdom of an adult.

Happy Gramma said...

You got my point exactly! You can have fun, but friendship comes when you are on an equal level!

HSUper Parents said...

Hi and thanks for visiting Friday Follow! Great blog and I followed you.

Amy said...

First off, thanks for the follow! I am so excited to glean wisdom from you and your blog. Parenting is not an easy thing. While I agree with this post, I have to say, it is so hard to be constant all the time. I want to be a softy when it comes to my children. I know I should not, but I want to let them have their way. I want to give them everything. Because I want them to always be happy. I try very hard to be constant and the "mean" parent, but again, when my two year old looks at me with his tear stained face and the puppy dog eyes, I have a hard time saying "eat your veggies and then you can have a cookie." Parenting sure is tough!

Traci66 said...

Hello. Hopping here from MM and decided to follow your blog. I hope you will come see me. I'm #9 Traci66 on Mr. Linky or

Anonymous said...

Howdy. Well said about being a parent first and then friend later.

Thanks for following me through Friday Follow. I am now following you.

Midday Escapades

D and A said...

I am now following you back! Thanks for stopping by. Looking forward to reading your blog!~

Heavenly Savings said...

Cute Blog!!! I’m a new follower! Feel free to check out my blog as well!
Happy Tuesday! Hope to Blog with you again soon!

becca said...

amen, gramma! i work with teenagers and see waaay too many parents who are trying to be a cool friend instead of an actual parent. i just want to shake them. hopefully i can remember all of this when i have kids.

Denise said...

Stopping by from Friday Follow. I am your newest follower.

1 Precious Daughter, 2 precious Grandaughters

1 Precious Daughter, 2 precious Grandaughters
I am blessed!